From the Pen of Lady Whistledown  ·  Society Papers  ·  The Garden Season, 1813

THE GNOMINGTON CHRONICLE

"Dearest Gentle Reader, this author has it on the most excellent authority that five gnomes of extraordinary ceramic distinction have presented themselves to the Ton this Season, each seeking a garden of the very highest quality. The competition, one is told, shall be fierce."

— Lady Whistledown's Society Papers, Vol. XLVII

🌷 Read the Chronicle
LORD TOADSWORTH seen near the Pemberton Rose Garden — a promising development
THE COTTAGE GARDEN of Wiltshire remains unclaimed — enquiries most welcome
MISS PETUNIA BELLCAP pronounces the herb garden "wholly satisfactory"
LORD TOADSWORTH denies rumours — we are not convinced
LADY FERNSBY of the Walled Garden has not yet accepted any suitor this Season
THE FORMAL TOPIARY GARDEN at Ashford Manor is, this author hears, EXCEPTIONAL
SIR REGINALD MUGWORT spotted twice by the vegetable patch — make of it what you will
WEATHER: Overcast with a chance of gnome. Highly suitable planting conditions.

— Presenting, this Season —

The Gnomes of Distinction

Five Candidates  ✦  One Perfect Garden  ✦  The Season Decides

Lord Toadsworth

Third generation ceramic. Impeccable glaze. Seeks a formal rose garden befitting his considerable dignity.

Miss Petunia Bellcap

Delightfully rosy complexion. Has strong opinions about compost. Would suit a cottage garden enormously.

Admiral Pondsworth

Retired. Naval background. Requires proximity to water feature. Fishing rod non-negotiable.

Sir Reginald Mugwort

Down-to-earth. Literally. Happiest near the vegetables. Will tend the patch. No pretensions whatsoever.

Lady Fernsby

The Season's most sought-after gnome. Refuses all suitors. Awaiting a walled garden of truly exceptional character.

Ashford Manor, Wiltshire  ✦  Est. 1689  ✦  Pedestal Vacant Since 1802

Every Gnome Desires The Walled Garden.

Ancient stone walls. Climbing roses of the palest pink. Gravel paths that have felt the weight of a hundred garden parties. The pedestal at its centre has been empty for eleven years, awaiting a gnome of sufficient — shall we say — character.

"This author has seen many gardens. She has seen no garden like this one."
— Lady Whistledown

— Commissioned Portraits —

Gardens of Interest

As documented by the Royal Society of Garden Portraiture

Formal rose garden with Wedgwood blue tones
English cottage garden in soft morning light
Walled garden estate with climbing roses

🎩 The Gnomes

— From Lady Whistledown's Garden Supplement —

"This Season's candidates represent, in this author's considered opinion, the finest collection of ceramic talent to present itself to the Ton in living memory. Each gnome has been hand-finished, individually painted, and subjected to a rigorous process of quality assurance that your author cannot pretend does not involve significant personal investment."

12"
Height
Ceramic
Material
Frost-Safe
Durability

"Lord Toadsworth is, without question, the most eligible gnome of the Season. His glaze alone is worth a walled garden. This author speaks with full authority on the matter of glazes."
— Lady Whistledown

🌿 The Gardens

— A Guide to Available Placements —

Not every garden suits every gnome. Successful placement requires careful consideration of temperament, setting, and the all-important question of neighbouring plantings. This guide shall assist.

🌹 Formal Rose Garden

Best matched to: Lord Toadsworth (Highly Recommended)

The pinnacle of gnome placement. Requires impeccable presentation and willingness to be admired from a considerable distance.

🌻 Cottage Garden

Best matched to: Miss Petunia Bellcap (Ideal Match)

Relaxed. Abundant. Forgiving of the odd eccentric personality. Compost proximity a distinct advantage.

🐟 Water Feature

Best matched to: Admiral Pondsworth (Perfect)

The Admiral requires no persuasion. The pond requires only that his fishing rod be positioned at the correct angle.

🥕 Vegetable Patch

Best matched to: Sir Reginald Mugwort (Born For It)

Honest work. Good soil. The occasional carrot. Sir Reginald has been known to improve vegetable yields through sheer enthusiasm.

🌦 Care Guide

— On the Proper Maintenance of Distinguished Gnomes —

A gnome of quality, properly maintained, shall grace your garden for decades. The following guidance has been approved by the Royal Society of Garden Gnome Placement (est. 1803).

  • 🌧   Rain: All gnomes are frost and rain resistant. They require no shelter and will not complain. Unlike certain members of the Ton.
  • ☀️   Sun: Position in partial or full sun. Vivid colours are UV-stabilised and shall remain so for a minimum of five seasons.
  • 🧹   Cleaning: A gentle rinse with water is sufficient. Lady Fernsby prefers a soft brush. She has indicated this clearly.
  • ❄️   Winter: Outdoor display is perfectly acceptable year-round. However, if one wishes to bring one's gnome inside, one finds no objection raised.
  • 🌱   Repositioning: Gnomes may be repositioned seasonally. Lord Toadsworth requests advance notice of no fewer than three days.
  • 🎁   Gifting: An excellent choice for gardeners of all levels of distinction. Gift wrapping available upon request.

📜 Placement Rules

— The Season's Official Rules of Placement —

As agreed by the Gnomington Society and ratified by the Committee for Garden Excellence, the following rules govern the placement of gnomes within the Ton's gardens this Season.

  1. A gnome placed near roses shall be of equal social standing to the roses. Common gnomes near heritage roses is simply not done.
  2. Water features require water-facing gnomes. A gnome facing away from the pond suggests a disagreement of some kind. Best avoided.
  3. Vegetable patches welcome any gnome regardless of standing. The vegetables do not care for social hierarchy. This is perhaps their finest quality.
  4. No fewer than two gnomes should occupy a garden of significant size. A solitary gnome is a conversation about loneliness. Two gnomes is a garden party.
  5. Lady Fernsby does not share a pedestal. This has been her position since 1809 and she shows no sign of revision.

"This author considers Rule 4 to be the wisest social observation the Ton has produced in forty years."
— Lady Whistledown

Order Today

The Ashford Manor Conservatory  ✦  Half Past Four  ✦  Tea Is Served

This Is Where Matches Are Made.

The conservatory at half past four. The tea is warm. The light is golden and forgiving. Lord Toadsworth has been positioned near the ferns. Miss Petunia Bellcap has not failed to notice. Lady Whistledown has not failed to note that Miss Petunia Bellcap has not failed to notice.

"The conservatory, this author submits, is the true venue of the Season. Ballrooms are for spectacle. Conservatories are for decisions."
— Lady Whistledown's Society Papers

The Walled Garden at Ashford Manor  ✦  Golden Hour  ✦  The Pedestal Is No Longer Vacant

The Perfect Garden Awaits.

Lady Fernsby has accepted the Walled Garden at Ashford Manor. Lord Toadsworth has accepted the Rose Terrace. Sir Reginald has accepted the vegetable patch without ceremony, which is entirely in character. There is, this author is pleased to report, a gnome for every garden. And a garden for every gnome.

"Yours, faithfully and with considerable satisfaction, Lady Whistledown."

🌷 Shop The Collection

All gnomes frost-safe  ✦  Hand-painted  ✦  Free delivery on orders over £40  ✦  Gift wrapping available

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